Category Archives: family
We’ll be back
As the days of Christmas shopping approach, I am reminded of the early days when Ed and I would meander through the mall or department store together to shop for our family and close friends. The difference in our definition of together led to a compilation of shopping rules. Ed defined together as being under the same roof with the same mission with the chance of meeting up with each other every now and then, if at all, ’til the end of the excursion. I can’t tell you how often I was caught asking a stranger if he thought this would be a good gift for my sister or demanding an opinion from a stranger whose nose I had imposed upon with a decanter of perfume. It got to a point where I would spend most of my time wandering through Freddie Myer or The Bay looking for tall, dark and handsome and not focused on actual shopping. When I’d finally caught up with Ed, he would have an armful of evidence showing successful shopping while I had a basket of nerves and frustration. (Mind you, my poor sense of direction up and down the aisles at times added to my exasperation!)
Hence, the shopping rules: If one of us paused to examine potential gift items for consideration, and the other kept going, he has to declare “I’m just in the next aisle” or “I’m heading over to the sporting goods section” or “I suggest we meet back here in a 1/2 hour”. What a difference that made in the enjoyment level of shopping together and making collaborative decisions on what to buy each other’s family members. I know, some readers would want to remind me here how lucky I am to have a husband who participated at all in Christmas shopping for others!
That rule book still lives on in our household. Although we make every effort to incorporate Cabo into our activities, there are times when we have to leave him on his own while we do our errands or visit neighbours or … actually … I’m having a hard time coming up with other scenarios where we leave him on his own outside our work schedules and the odd occasion when we join our parents for dinner out and leave him at their place for an hour or so. It would be easy to engage him with a bone or wait ’til he’s napping to slip out on him but we don’t. I don’t want him to wander around the house looking for us or, after he’s given up the search, to remain on high alert wondering if the next car driving by is ours or if the sound of the neighbour’s front door is us coming home. I know how it feels to spend more time searching than is necessary.
So when we’re leaving Cabo on his own, we tell him. We prepare the usual peanut-butter-laced bone (a sign that he’s being left on his own) and just before we leave, we give it to him letting him know we’re going out visiting, or to work, or to supper (all key words he associates with being left on his own for a while) and that we’ll be back. He immediately turns his attention to the bone and the stuffed toy that’s been assigned to share it with him, and we simply say “bye, Cabo”. As soon as he hears “bye”, he knows it’s final. The same applies when only one of us is leaving … we say “bye, Cabo” and encourage him to watch out the front door or porch for Ed or me to leave. Again, he knows it’s final.
I know they'll be back ...
That may sound like a lot of conversation for a puppy but it sure alleviates anxiety and makes the time alone more manageable for him.
I should take this opportunity to tell you that I’m taking a break for the Christmas season. I have one more class in my 9-course Communications and Public Relations Program at McMaster University so after two and half years of blending a full-time job with school, I am ready for a computer break. We’ll be back in the new year so if you’re enjoying this blog, there are more tales ahead. If you want to be notified when we post again in the new year, simply click Follow on the sidebar to the right. For now, bye and thank you for all your interest and support since September as readers.
It’s not just a dog’s life, it’s one we’re happy to share with family, friends, and avid readers!
Wait! We’ve come a long way.
Yesterday was grey and rainy off and on so we took our time in starting the day. Ed had 
brewed some fresh ground Starbucks beans, and served up an appetizer tray of breakfast pastries. Cabo had a good morning outside in the back yard and then lounged by our bedside while we read aloud a few chapters from our most recent selection from the library. I had passed by a book featuring a young white golden retriever puppy on the front cover and couldn’t resist. The Puppy Diaries is a compilation of stories written by the executive editor of the New York Times Jill Abramson for the publication’s website about the joys and challenges of training a new rambunctious addition to their family. A good read so far.
Although Cabo’s positioning throughout the reading was a combination of relaxed lounging and not-so-subtle signals that he wanted to go for a walk, we carried on with our coffee clatch-like morning. When there appeared to be movement towards a change of wardrobe, he wondered if it was in preparation for a long-anticipated walk. Rather than allowing his anxiety level to to increase while he figured it out, I said “No, Cabo. No walk yet. You`ll have to wait.” Most dog owners (aka pet parents) would either spell out W-A-L-K or avoid the four letter word altogether until they could immediately follow through with a walk. I, on the other hand, feel it’s better to alleviate the anxiety and teach puppy to wait. Cabo immediately surrendered and layed back down of the floor with a recognizable “hrrrumpffff”.
Transitioning to the kitchen, we announced as we sat down to the breakfast table: “Cathy and Ed are having breakfast now and then we’ll go for a walk.” At this point, I was thinking of my girlfriend Angela who, if she witnessed this exchange, would have said with exasperation “oh for goodness sakes, you two! He’s just a dog – he doesn’t understand all that!” (Ed, of course, thinks Cabo understands every word he says.) With that, Cabo walked away, layed down on the floor in the hallway (with the usual hrrrumpffff) to wait.
As soon as we were done our breakfast, we changed into walking gear while Cabo positioned himself voluntarily on the usual 4th step from the downstairs landing to don his harness. When we opened the door to go outside, he waited patiently for the signal. “Okay” said Ed and Cabo joyfully scampered down the driveway. I said calmly yet firmly “wait” and he stopped perfectly at the end of the driveway for instructions: left or right? Neither, we’re taking the car. He willingly hopped in and away we drove to a familiar trail head of the Bruce Trail.
We encountered a nice couple on the trail walking their two dogs off leash. As was Cabo. We told Cabo to wait while they approached us. And he did! The dogs had a great encounter, the adults had a great exchange (surprised at times by our commonalities) and then carried on our way in opposite directions.
In the past, it would have been tough to draw Cabo away from other dogs, away from the fun. But he’s come a long way. He simply left the company of the other 2 dogs, trotted toward us, and adopted our pace as we continued along the trail. We had a second similar encounter with another couple whose dog was also off leash. The 6-month old blue heeler mix and Cabo had a great run around and then we each went on our way – seamlessly, and without coaxing.
We’ve been waiting for this time when Cabo listened well to the word wait – patiently, and consistently. The wait was worth it. For all of us! After all, it’s not just a dog’s life – it’s a family life where we all wait for each other!
p.s. At times we leave Cabo in the car while one of us runs in to the grocery store or pharmacy or library or coffee shop … he waits patiently without pacing or whimpering. The trick? We always arrive back at the car with a treat in hand and this phrase: Thank you for waiting!
Additional resources:
The Power of Positive Training – Pat Miller
Bark Busters – Sue MacInnis, Behaviour Therapist and Trainer serving the Golden Horseshoe
Animals Make Us Human – Temple Grandin
It’s a Cabo day
For some reason, people nowadays don’t seem to find the time, make the time, nor take the time to have some down time. With the pace of working full time, commuting, visiting family and staying in touch with friends, doing homework, chores, errands, cooking, and, well, just simply staying engaged, some times we just need to get off the grid.
Yesterday, we did just that. We had a Cabo day. That is what we learned from our dog.
Enjoying a Cabo day
Sleep in, eat, walk, nap, eat, find something simple to keep entertained, nap, roll over and stretch, snack, nap … . We had a great family day and Cabo was faced with a perplexing dilemma: demand attention or another walk, or simply let sleeping/resting humans lie. That’s because he had the royal nod to join us on the sofa bed – a privilege not granted often!
Some of you might think “yeah, right – if I only had the time”. Well, in my view, to have the time you have to create the time and then take the time. When we have a headache or a cold, we reach for the medicine cabinet and take some pills and perhaps 10-30 minutes or more of down time. But why wait ’til you’re sick to take care of yourself? When you know you’ve been running hard, plan to take the time to renew and regenerate.
Cheryl Richardson, life coach, says her initial work with clients is focused on self-care — freeing up their time and identifying and eliminating what drains their energy. “The idea of adding more work by encouraging them to set goals or take on anything new makes no sense when they’ve already got a full plate (and most of them do). Instead, I focus on clearing the plates to immediately improve the quality of their lives.”
David Bach, a renowned motivational and financial speaker takes the “Finish Rich” wisdom that has already helped millions of people and tailors it specifically to all of us who forgot to save, procrastinated, or got sidetracked by life’s unexpected challenges. He teaches people how to spend less, save more, earn more, live more, and give more however, he says in order to live rich, you have to experience joy in life along the way. And appreciate the simple pleasures that cost little or nothing.
Yes, dogs can teach us to never pass up an opportunity to go for a joy ride, and to enjoy the ecstacy of fresh air and wind in your face, and to not pretend to be someone you’re not, but the most important lesson from dogs, I feel, is to stop and smell the [roses], take a nap, sit and watch, and to just be content with calm and stillness. By the end of a day like that, you’ll be more energized and more able to handle the pace of life when it resumes again. I’m glad I’m not waiting ’til retirement to learn the value of a Cabo day!
Links below: Other things we can learn from a dog
Things we can learn from a dog
Things you can learn from a dog that will help your career
Remembering
Watching from the sidelines (bottom left): A colour party marches into Grove Cemetary for the dedication of a regimental headstone for CST.T. Ashbaugh. Photo: Cathie Coward/The Hamilton Spectator
This past spring, Cabo and I visited the unmarked grave of a local fallen serviceman on the day he was honoured with a ceremonial dedication of a regimental headstone. I learned that day of this tradition that is not widely known: the RCMP does a grave inspection across Canada every year for members of the RCMP who have passed away and ensures the graves are maintained in good condition.
Next week we will visit the grave of a known soldier: my father-in-law, a decorated serviceman who fought in the battle of Monte Cassino as a member of the Polish Army in absentia. He passed away in 1994 leaving 2 sons and a daughter and 4 grandchildren. His wife – my wonderful mother-in-law – has been a member of the Polish Legion’s Ladies Auxiliary for over 40 years. Slowly, the members of the Legion and the Ladies Auxiliary have passed on one by one.
Although it would be tempting to not have to drive anywhere this weekend, and spend time outside hiking the Bruce Trail with Cabo and sweeping up fallen leaves around the yard, catch up on school work and chores, Ed and I will venture in to Niagara to attend the Legion’s Remembrance Day dinner with Ed’s mom and her Legion compadres. It is our way showing support for her, paying tribute to the remaining veterans, representing our generation, and honouring Ed’s dad whom we respect and miss greatly.
While we’ll take Cabo with us to visit his grandparents (my parents) beforehand and then his Babcha (Ed’s mom), he’ll have to spend time on his own while we’re at the dinner. After all, it’s not just a dog’s life, it’s a blended family life where everyone gives a little.
Although this pictorial (below) is unfamiliar to me, it captures the poignant and sobering event which reminds us of our freedom, well fought for by others.
And, in case you didn’t click on the Monte Cassino link, here it is again: Canada played a major role http://www.cbc.ca/news/background/ortona/
It was a dark and stormy night …
It was a dark and stormy night … well, that would have been ideal. It was a clear sky night here in Dundas as the trick-or-treaters made their way around the neighbourhood. As I drove up the driveway coming home from work, there was a man with a frightful face sitting on our front balcony. That would have been daunting except for the fact that the dog with him was a white, fluffy, “smiley” (if there is such a thing on a dog’s face) dog wagging his tail to greet me. My husband needed a Rottweiler to complete the scene!
Making my way from the garage to the front foyer, I was impressed by the candle-lit staircase, and pumpkin bowl filled with chocolate bar treats, and the orange gift bag topped with girl guide cookies set out for the local highschool kids collecting for the foodbank. Except for the dark and stormy night, we were ready for Halloween!
In preparation for Halloween, I’ve read that dog owners should practise a few weeks in advance with ringing the door bell and reiterate the “stay” and “leave-it” commands. Other dog owners simply shoo their dog to the bedroom or basement on Halloween night. Because Cabo is not just a dog, we felt he should be included in our Halloween.
We set up chairs discretely in the front foyer, me dressed in black, Ed with his cardigan and ghoulish mask, our own beverages and salty treats beside us, a blanket on the floor and a bone stuffed with a salty treat for Cabo, the curtain drawn back from the glass in the front door, and a light coated-wire garden fence in front of the door (to prevent any hint of a canine bolt beyond the unsuspecting trick-or-treaters).
When the doorbell rang, the first set of kids chimed together an elongated “trick or treat” while Cabo barked twice and coaxed us towards the door. Ed took his masked 6’2″ frame to the door reaching for the treats and opened the door slowly asking in a gravelly voice “are you looking for a treat?” The kids hesitantly nodded their heads with confusion as they looked suspiciously at scary ghoul guy with a white, fluffy, pretending-to-be-vicious guard dog beside him. And so went the evening with 40-something trick-or-treaters.
We each enjoyed the elements of Halloween night together with an interlude of Ed skulking next door to the unwitting neighbours to give them a scare amongst the trick-or-treaters. Cabo did whine for a bit as he wanted to be part of ALL the fun! You see? It’s not just a dog’s life of anxiety or dismissal on Halloween – it’s a family life with fun to be had by all. Until next year’s haunting …!
"are you looking for a treat ...?"
vicious guard dog greets trick-or-treaters
The grand dog
“Do you have any other dogs?”, asked a new reader of my blog showing me that he was interested in my stories. “No, just this one.”, I beamed. “You love him, don’t you?”, he said. I smiled. And then on the way home from class. I thought more about my answer. Yes, I love my dog. More than that, I love what he’s brought to our family.
When Cabo was just 3 months old, I followed through with a commitment I made to one of my best friends to join her in Punta Cana for a week. As my husband and I were preparing to leave Cabo on his own for the first time during the work week, I stressed. And worried. Would he be lonely, not understanding why his routine of daily freedom and companionship changed? Would he be stressed, too, having been left alone with no access to outdoors? Would he behave? Would he bark? Would he retaliate?
“Oh for heaven’s sake, Cathy. He’s just a damn dog!” exclaimed my father as I spread my angst around to my family. Indeed, that was true. And a pragmatic way of looking at it. So is sitting in traffic knowing that the clock is ticking its way to making me late for a meeting when I hear my father’s wisdom from the past: no use stressing about it, it won’t change anything. I KNOW that. It’s just my nature (and my job) to sweat the little stuff.
Turns out, Cabo adapted well to his first “work week”. His reward each day was a walk on the Bruce Trail. And he has continued to adapt well to the family work schedule.
What’s more remarkable is my father has changed his chant. Each visit with my parents has yielded
a wonderful and mostly amusing experience with Cabo. They see how smart and clever he is, how much he enjoys the reward from the “toy bag” that my mom continues to replenish with colourful, unique stuffed animals each visit, and the stream of treats from my Dad’s pocket and the excursions with him to the basement or garage for a refill. And Cabo enjoys the freedom to explore their home which has been pet-free for 50 years! During one of my folks’ visits to our place in Dundas, “toy bag” in tow and a pocket full of treats, and during a moment of cuteness and puppy play, my Dad declared “he’s not just a damn dog, he’s a member of the family!” That’s how I feel!
I love how Cabo has become a member of our family. And how my parents have embraced their grand-dog. Every family visit is well-anticipated on both sides – a treat, a treasure, a smile, a laugh, and love. It’s not just a dog’s life. It’s a family life – enriched by a grand-dog!
It's not just a dog's life 